What's so bad?

The following is a response to a kind friend who tried to "buoy" me up. You see, I've been down for the last two weeks. No reason, just down.

Jess has gone through this with me so many times it's just really, really old. We just have an understanding now. If we were really organized we could say, Hey, I'm having a #16 day and he would go, "Oh, well, that's too bad. I love you," and basically, "let me know when you're over it."

Now that makes him look really bad, but you have to understand that this man adores me. Honestly, I'm convinced I don't deserve him. He simply has finally learned that he can't fix me and he can't make it all better. More importantly, he knows that only I can pull myself out of those kinds of moods. In fact, with this last episode he looked at me kindly and asked, "What's so bad?"

So this friend that emailed me, poor girl, is fresh meat. Here's my response to her in {}. *I've edited for privacy and clarity.

{Awww, bless you for that! I really enjoyed our visit this afternoon. You're one of those friends that I would love to sit on the back porch and spend a whole day with!
I thank you for your kind comments.
But see, I beg to differ. I am not accomplished. I have no degree, no marketable skills, I have character flaws that most people want to run away screaming and pulling their hair out after working with me on a project (I can give you references...)

I'm great at making babies, only it takes me 2 years to get over it the hormonal and psychological anguish. Or is it 5? ;)

I love being a mom but I can only see all my flaws as a mom. All the missed opportunities to say the right thing, the temper flare-ups, the impatience, the dirty house, the poor example I set with eating, the poor example I set managing money, my lack of involvement at the school...I could go on. Or did I?

But you are right. I'm not ALL bad. And I'm allowed to grow on this planet, right? Sometimes I wonder if I really have made progress. I haven't made any changes based on the things that I've learned. What changes have I truly made from attending church, reading scriptures, visiting life coaches, going to naturopathic doctors, watching The Secret, and The Secret Messages of Water and the like?

Okay, that's not entirely true...I know I've made small changes...sigh...

I realized something yesterday, though. I hadn't noticed it before and if you'd accused me of it I would have denied it vehemently.

I caught myself in the middle of a "If-When" conversation. I couldn't believe this! I actually had the linear thought process realizing that I was putting my happiness in the hands of materialistic goods. If I had the nice home, if I could travel, if I could achieve the physical perfection that I know my body is capable of, and on and one...Holy cow!!

Me?

I never thought I was guilty of this kind of negative thinking! I, who knows perfectly well that temporal things do not bring me happiness. I, who also knows perfectly well that I choose my own happiness. Quick, who can I blame??
I am in need of some serious repentance. Only God can change this crazy person.
Wanna know what's on my fridge?
"I don't suffer from insanity...I enjoy every minute of it!" (magnet)}

So, for the past few days I've been contemplating, What's so bad? Or in other words, count your blessings.

I think I will. And if I'm insane, then I'm going to just enjoy every minute of it.

P.S. I want you to know that I know that wanting/having material things is not inherently evil, I just misplaced my source of happiness, is all.